The Perils of Following Advice

And how you might “listen” to advice more intelligently

When we hear the success stories from others, we are often tempted to emulate or copy them. Yet, recent research shows that we may be barking up the wrong tree when we do. Below are several reasons why you should not simply listen to others, whether they are experts or success stories themselves.

1. Successful people only remember 10% of what they did: Most of our “thinking” is processed outside of conscious awareness. i.e. It is unconscious. In fact, experts estimate that only 2% of mental functioning is conscious. The rest is happening under the radar.

If this is the case, every time you hear “5 ways to hack your brain” or “3 steps to entrepreneurial success”, know that you are only hearing what that person can consciously remember — which is very little of what they actually did.

What should you do instead? Ask people to tell you their stories. Do not just listen to the steps that they followed. Listen to the underlying unconscious factors. Did they overcome self-doubt? Did fear propel them out of a difficult situation? Were they so hurt about something that they had to break an old habit? Then, rather than following what they said, let this simply wash over you and structure a plan that feels true and exciting to you.

2. Memories of successful people are much more inaccurate than they seem: Successful people and experts will not necessarily deliberately lie to you. They simply can’t remember the truth always.

As I describe in my book, “Tinker Dabble Doodle Try”, our memories are like a house of mirrors. In 2006, Chad Dodson and Lacy Krueger conducted a study to explore misremembering. They found that people distorted stories by misremembering associated ideas rather than what actually happened.

We also completely invent memories of things that never happened, and we cannot remember timelines well at all. That’s because memories are not videotapes that we switch on. When we remember, we are reconstructing those memories from scratch, and sometimes, we misremember.

What should you do instead? Don’t take the convictions of others as evidence of what actually happened. Rather, listen to their stories, and recognize that what they remember only accounts for part of their story. Your own story matters more, moving forward.

3. When you listen to advice, your brain is turned off: Even when someone is giving you the best possible advice, your brain offloads decision-making. It’s as if the advice-giver is doing all the work, so your brain may take in the information, but it does not actually do anything.

What should you do instead? Instead of just listening, ask questions. See how this “advice” applies to you, and why you are similar, but also different.

4. Successful people only remember their “focus”, yet “unfocus” circuits are key too: As I explain in “Tinker Dabble Doodle Try”, focus helps us take in information, but it is unfocus that helps us put puzzle pieces together in order to find creative solutions to our problems. We need both. Without building in unfocus times into our days our brains do not have time to make use of the valuable information we take in. Successful people do unfocus, but they rarely remember to remind you of it.

When Bill Gates and Warren Buffet were asked about their secret to success, they answered “focus”. Yet, when you look more closely at their lives, you see that Gates creates a “think week” for himself twice a year, when he does nothing else but seclude himself to think about the bigger picture. He unfocuses. Buffet, when asked about investing said it was part art and part science — that models don’t tell you everything you need to know. Clearly, it’s not all just focus for him either.

What should you do instead? When successful people tell you about how they focus, ask them about how they unfocus. It will help you understand how you could build both focus and unfocus into your day to make the best use of your brain.

5. Your own life is different from anyone else: Say you asked me how to go from Point A to Point B, and there were two ways — one that was direct (x), as the crow flies, and the other more indirect (y). There is no guarantee that path x is best for you, as there may be a storm on path x. Or path x may require you to do something you are not prepared to do. You have to do what’s right for you, and sometimes, because you don’t know it, you have to follow your instinct.

As Steve Jobs said, ““You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.”

What should you do instead? Take time off to examine your gut instinct. What is your intuition? Do you trust everyone in your inner circle? Should you? Do you trust your current path? How can you refresh your life with a plan that reflects your deepest instincts?

There’s no telling which advice is right or wrong. And there are many well-intentioned people who will want to give you advice. Yet, I write this piece because I want to remind you that advice sometimes obscures your own ingenuity. Pay attention to your own instincts . They deserve a voice too.

You can learn more about how to tap into your ingenuity in “Tinker Dabble Doodle Try: Unlock the Power of the Unfocused Mind” (Ballantine Books, 2017)

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