5 Ways To Find Your Inner Voice
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A few years ago, I asked my music teacher for a favor. I told him that I wanted to sing — but not safely…that I wanted to simply invent songs, travel up and down my vocal range, encounter even my “ugly” notes bravely. Sometimes I would stay there. At other times, I would retreat because I coudln’t stand it. I had no idea how instructional that would be.
Finding one’s own voice is a lifelong mission, in part because one’s voice keeps changing, and in part, because one never quite hits the spot. And although I am being literal when I associate “voice” with singing, this reflection is really about “voice” as it reflects your most powerful self.
In my book, “Tinker Dabble Doodle Try”, I call this “voice” your psychological center of gravity — a mental “balancing point” where no wind gust is too strong to knock you over, and no obstacle, too large to stop your self-expression. And there are ways that you can access this too.
Choose the right of pride: As I point out, when you express yourself from your mental sixpack, you feel balanced, energetic, and even powerful. That’s because you are not pretending to be loud or powerful, but you have pride in your personal growth as one of many human beings. Called “authentic pride”, this kind of pride comes from a genuine sense of accomplishment or a heartfelt desire for something and recent research shows that it gives you more self-control too. This stands in sharp contrast with hubristic pride, which comes from arrogance or self-importance and makes you angrier and more impulsive. Avoid that. Activism should never hide your own heartfelt desire.
Spend time imagining: Imagining is not a fool’s errand. Done the right way, it can form just the blueprint that you need to instruct your unconscious about what to do to reach your goals. It warms up your action brain, but more importantly, serves as a template for the goal that you want. Positive imagery makes you feel better. And when you imagine, think of something that you want to improve, but also think of outperforming others. A recent study showed that when tennis players did both, they served better than when they did just one of those things. Don’t shy away from competition.
Know your shadow: We all like to lead with our strengths in life, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But as I point out in “Tinker Dabble Doodle Try”, being human often means that we have a two-sided self. We may be caring, but also have a propensity for anger. We may be selfless, but also have strong personal desires. We may be ambitious, but also lazy. Whatever your contradictions are, get to know them. At times, you will battle your contradictions, and when you get more familiar with them, they will feel less threatening. Repressing this will lead to a feeling of inner tension. The world doesn’t have to know about all of your contradictions, but it helps you to become familiar with them.
Use a regret minimization framework: Jeff Bezos uses a decision-framework based on whether he will regret not taking action when he is 80 years old. Often, projecting yourself into the future helps you recognize your own vision for yourself, and your desired life trajectory. Take breaks to think actively about how you would want your future to look. Then ask yourself if you are on course or not.
Choose something to say “no” to: On a daily basis, we often say “yes” to too many things. We don’t need to. Say “no” to feeling endlessly bad about a mistake. Say “no” to self-sabotage. Say “no” to mediocrity. Keep a list of things that you say “no” to, and at the end of the week, check in with yourself to see how your life has changed. As you say “no”, your open up space for your brain to say “yes” to things you truly want.
To do any of these things, you have to break away from your focused tasks to reflect a little. We all daydream 46.9% of the day anyway, so why not reflect on things that will bolster your inner voice instead?
To learn more about finding YOUR inner voice, get a copy of “Tinker Dabble Doodle Try: Unlock the Power of the Unfocused Mind” (Ballantine Books, 2017)
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